woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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