apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?