I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.