nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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