I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
