The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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