Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
