Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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