i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
