alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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