When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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