No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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