Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
