I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
