she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
