I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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