I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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