Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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