Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
