Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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