i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
