Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
