I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She said her name was "party"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
