I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away