Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course