I think about you every night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.