Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono

Fav 17 4133 2157
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month

Fav 10 5911 1426
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(317): View more from Indiana

Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

Fav 60 1767 7078
share tweet
(916): View more from California

God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

Fav 12 2614 1086
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(801): View more from Utah

I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.

Fav 8 2333 921
share tweet
(205): View more from Alabama

After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.

Fav 4 2253 776
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(561): View more from Florida

Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.

Fav 4 767 1246
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(901): View more from Tennessee

The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.

Fav 0 193 146
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????

Fav 3 54 23
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT