Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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