Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
