Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
