tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
