the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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