Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
