Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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