Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
