You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want to make out with him forever
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
