new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
