she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
