Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
