I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
