Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
