weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
