if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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