i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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