Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
