She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
