I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
