Your dad touched me again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
