How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
