it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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