He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
