Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How does one acquire holy water?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
