Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
