I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
