I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
