I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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