"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
