I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
