I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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