saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
