rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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