Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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