Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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