Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
