If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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