Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
