What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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