I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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