I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
