just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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