I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
