Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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