I puked a lego.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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