just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
