just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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