My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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