This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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