and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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