Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
