I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
