she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
