I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
